Apr. 3rd, 2010 01:54 pm
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 Raven got out last night. As usual, Tim didn't want me to worry, so he didn't tell me.

This is so fucking typical of him. This is the rent money all over again. He doesn't want me to worry, so he just hopes I won't have to find out and says nothing. So Raven is gone and I only find out because I call for her and THEN he tells me, because the jig is apparently up!

Does he even trust me to be a fucking adult? 

EDIT: Kitty came home. No longer angry.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 I'm out of my mind. I have just 20 days to come up with something "Leather and Lace" themed for the next burlesque show. The location finally confirmed. I don't know what possessed me (okay, yes I do, love of the art). I have no idea what to do music-wise or how I'm going to dance in a leather mini-skirt. Time to hit the thrift stores?

Oh, and the other reason I agreed? This club seems to have good tippers.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 I was at a LARP this weekend, playing a very flirty, tarty, airheaded character (NOT Rowen, the day Rowen is a tart, assume its an impostor and stake her), and I promptly got scooped up by a pervy PC (played by a guy I know vaguely from another game). He was constantly "pawing" at me (read: narrating the act) and I giggled along and squealed and generally acted like somebody a whole lot more secure in her sex appeal than yours truly. It was refreshing to play that way.

The next day, while driving home, Tim and I were discussing game and Tim asked me, "So how come you're more comfortable with PDA in character than out?"

That struck me as completely out of left field, so I asked where he got that idea. Apparently, the other player had smacked me on the ass a few times. I have been wracking my brains, trying to remember when that happened. I remember him narrating a firm swat to "my" backside, but the most physical contact I can think of is him kissing my hand and rarely, if ever, letting go (there was a great deal of wrist huffing, too, but I wear weird perfumes, so, meh). I honestly can't remember any inappropriate contact. That freaks me out. I feel really bad, because I don't want Tim to get the impression I can't stand to be touched by him in public. I like the other player, but I'm going to break any marriage vows.

It's not like I was judgmentally impaired, either. I hadn't had anything but water and a few ibuprofen for my feet. So, why is Tim remembering this and I'm not? He doesn't lie as a rule and I think I'd remember getting groped by somebody. It's happened before and I can remember those moments vividly and I kicked up an unholy fuss. Did it really happen? Who's confused here?
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 It's quiet and peaceful and I can have the whole planet for me and my friends and we can all get away from each other if we need to.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
Why are all my real-world friends fighting all the time and all my online friends sane and calm?
twistdfateangel: (Default)
It's like this... )
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 He canceled. Signal out here sucks so hard I didn't get the voicemails until after the receptionist told me to go home. And because he does all his scheduling, I don't know when I will get to see him.

So done with country living.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
 A friend's very sound advice turns out to be taking you in the opposite direction you wanted to go and you are upset because of it. And then, you cry, because you know you're being childish and an idiot and you should really knock it the fuck off. But, you can't. You can't stop crying and you can't stop fussing and watching your plans and all sorts of things go their own way. Your friends are fighting and other friends are trying to help and the thing that sends you over the edge is so damn stupid, you feel dumb just writing about it.

God help me, I'm a mess. Here's hoping the guy I'm seeing tomorrow might have some answers.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
After several false starts, a great deal of delegation (my mother is an ever-loving saint, I'll have you know) and two mild panics (one was a bad pattern translation, the other was "omg, do i have enough boning?"), the eve is almost upon us and I'm taking a break to report on the corset.

First of all, if you are going to be frugal and go the zip-tie boning route, MAKE SURE THEY ARE PACKAGED STRAIGHT. I just opened a pack of "boning" and discovered to my horror that they would not uncurl. It may be salvageable if I stagger curled bone with straight and the fact that the short patches exist.

Second, I'm a wee bit worried. I forgot to pick up eyelets. I have a failed project I can cannibalize for eyelet tape, but I'm a touch concerned it won't work. There's no time to go fetch eyelets, so it will have to work. Ugh.

*genuflects* St. Jude, I know I'm a slack-ass and a ditz, but this being a lost cause, I pray you will find it in the plan for me to not only have a functional costume, but a killer performance. And due to the nature of the performance, Mary Magdalene, I pray that my feet will be light, my grin will be big and my costume will be sturdy.
twistdfateangel: (birthday)
1. Lying in bed next to Tim, listening to the cats snore
2. Strong Earl Gray tea, three sugars
3. The smell of woodsmoke
4. Blackberries in summer
5. Walking in the falling snow
6. Dancing for no reason
7. Red Virginia soil, glittering with mica
8. Leaves changing color
9. Cherry blossoms
10. Writing poetry in bed
11. Watching baby animals play
twistdfateangel: (Default)
I'm worn the hell out. I don't know why. I haven't done anything today. I slept late, I didn't really work, I haven't written much today. I feel like a useless blob.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
So, I've been turning over the events of last LARP in my head. Part of me is fairly sure this only happened because I'm neurotic and part of me is wondering why it had to be dealt with like this.

I'm filing off serial numbers because I don't want trouble, but I have to get this out of my system somehow.

I've been jumpy for a while now. I know it hasn't been forever, but I can't pinpoint where it started. I got to a point where sometimes, when my heart is pumping and I'm a bit high on adrenaline, I would find myself surrounded on all sides, very closely, with no escape. And then, someone will move towards me, making to hug me or dance with me, often someone I don't know. I panic. I scream, I run, I turn into a total mess. I can't figure out why or what might have started it.

I got hit with the plot bus. In retrospect, I'm cool with it. I never get plot, not for long anyway (Amy-Rose doesn't count, she was only Queen for, like, ten minutes). But, the way the plot hit me was trigger-y. Not that anybody would have known that. Nobody asked and I don't exactly get into that situation often in front of other Gamers. Any time I've had anybody that close, I've felt I can get out.

Maybe it was just a combination of approach (the way plot was handled and lead up) and the fact that I did actually get wound up. Thankfully, people were understanding and nice about it. I made a cake of myself, but it was dealt with. I'm a little miffed that somebody implied that it was a friend's fault this was happening, especially after it was made clear that the plot was connected to his actions already and the way he said it made it sound like he thought I was doing this for attention.

Okay. I feel better now.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
6th time and it still sucks, but it sucks less than it did, so maybe I can save this. I have to remember to be cute. I can't do sexy, but I can do cute.
twistdfateangel: (Default)
5th time I've reworked the choreography and I'm scared to death now I won't be able to improv enough to fake it if I forget what I'm doing. I can't do the whole song (wtf possessed me? it's 3:44!) The bra is staying on. My pasties turned out to be crap and the scars are too obvious. God help me, I need more time. I would have done this sooner but I hardly knew I was going on stage until a week ago.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me!


twistdfateangel: (Default)

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