Been in a dark place since sundown...

A very dark place. I keep swaying back and forth between excitement, eagerness, absolute motion, and this shadowy mood that isn't quite anger or sadness or boredom, but all three and yet worse than all three.

It's occurred to me often, this evening, that I'm very glad I was "born too late". The days I long for were the days of "Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches" and "The Yellow Wallpaper", when a girl like me could have been locked up for thinking too much, reading too much, crying as much as I do. More proof that I should probably be somewhere quiet. But, that quiet is what's driving me out of my mind right now. I'm to the point where I can't attend a LARP without falling apart at the seams.

Last night, I dreamed I was in a bubble made of blue glass, flawed, full of bubbles and very brittle. There was empty ocean all around me and I knew I could break out and be free. But, no matter how hard I kicked and hit and screamed, the glass held. A stupid dream, I think. I can't swim.

EDIT: Here's something happy, anyway.

http://carnalcarnival.webs.com/members.htm

Second profile down. Not one of my better numbers, but it's one of the more flattering shots of me.