
So, I've been turning over the events of last LARP in my head. Part of me is fairly sure this only happened because I'm neurotic and part of me is wondering why it had to be dealt with like this.
I'm filing off serial numbers because I don't want trouble, but I have to get this out of my system somehow.
I've been jumpy for a while now. I know it hasn't been forever, but I can't pinpoint where it started. I got to a point where sometimes, when my heart is pumping and I'm a bit high on adrenaline, I would find myself surrounded on all sides, very closely, with no escape. And then, someone will move towards me, making to hug me or dance with me, often someone I don't know. I panic. I scream, I run, I turn into a total mess. I can't figure out why or what might have started it.
I got hit with the plot bus. In retrospect, I'm cool with it. I never get plot, not for long anyway (Amy-Rose doesn't count, she was only Queen for, like, ten minutes). But, the way the plot hit me was trigger-y. Not that anybody would have known that. Nobody asked and I don't exactly get into that situation often in front of other Gamers. Any time I've had anybody that close, I've felt I can get out.
Maybe it was just a combination of approach (the way plot was handled and lead up) and the fact that I did actually get wound up. Thankfully, people were understanding and nice about it. I made a cake of myself, but it was dealt with. I'm a little miffed that somebody implied that it was a friend's fault this was happening, especially after it was made clear that the plot was connected to his actions already and the way he said it made it sound like he thought I was doing this for attention.
Okay. I feel better now.